Alexander Harris had various relationships over the years.
Romantic[]
- “Why do demon women always find me attractive?! There has to be a reason!”
- ―Xander[src]
A recurring joke about Xander was that he was a "demon magnet," as many of the women he had dated or been attracted to have turned out to be demonic or in some other way supernatural.[1]
- She-Mantis — The real Natalie French was born in 1907 and taught for a few decades at Sunnydale High School. Her name was stolen by a demonic she-mantis whose pheromones attracted many of Sunnydale's males. Due to his desirable virginity, she drugged Xander's drink at her house and intended to mate with him before beheading him. Buffy managed to stop her and save Xander in time.[2]
- Inca Princess — An Inca mummy girl, impersonating an exchange student named Ampata Gutierrez, wanted to live the normal life she had given up in order to save her people. She fell for Xander, as he was the first male she'd ever met who didn't treat her like a princess, but as a person. However, her relationship with Xander was short-lived; she attempted to kiss him (and thus drain him of his life in order to continue her own) when he offered himself to her to stop her from draining and killing Buffy and Willow. In the end, however, she collapsed as the life forces left her, having not drained any of them.[3]
- Kendra Young — Upon seeing the Slayer, Xander flirted with her, saying "You're a Slayer; I like that in a woman." Since Kendra had been taught to adhere to her slayer duties over interacting with boys, she nervously swelled into fear when she responded. Xander was then estranged by her reply and no longer made any moves afterward.[4]
- Every woman in Sunnydale — After Amy Madison performed a spell to make Cordelia fall madly in love with Xander just so he could break up with her and hurt her, it backfired and made every woman in Sunnydale (including Amy, Buffy, Willow, Jenny, Harmony, Joyce, Drusilla, Katherine Wexford, Gwen Ditchik, among others) fall in love with Xander. As a result, he was nearly killed by a veritable army of obsessed women resolved to kill anyone who would presented a barrier against their love for Xander — including Xander himself.[5]
- Cordelia Chase — Cordelia and Xander met as children and were antagonistic from the beginning, making their romantic relationship in high school all the more bewildering. However, Vampire Xander from the Wishverse did admit some attraction by describing Cordelia as an "old crush."[6] They faced several obstacles, including peer pressure from Cordelia's clique (she was ostracized from her social circle), Cordelia's self-involved and insensitive manner, and Xander's unresolved attraction to Willow, Buffy, and Faith. However, Xander did appear to have genuine feelings for Cordelia during their time together despite cheating on her with Willow. Cordelia also privately admitted to Buffy that she loved Xander, much to Buffy's surprise and that he "sorta grows on you, like a Chia Pet."[7] When Cordelia discovered Xander and Willow kissing in the basement of an abandoned factory (where they were being held prisoner), she ended their relationship for good.[8] Xander had called her many times and attempted to fix things with her, only to have Cordelia firmly ignore him, too humiliated and hurt to forgive him or get back with him ever again. After their breakup, Cordelia became more openly hostile and resented Xander, causing him to fall back on his sarcastic insults. After a particularly eventful and heroic night for him, Xander had been able to ignore her snarky remarks about his usefulness to the Scooby Gang, smiling at her smugly and not saying anything. This greatly confused and frustrated Cordelia.[9] Nonetheless, Xander retained his romantic affection for Cordelia, showing obvious jealous over her superficial attraction to the Wesley on many occasions.[10] While watching Cordelia cheer at a pep rally, he had claimed to Oz that he didn't understand why he wasted his time on her and that she wasn't that good-looking. However, his words were quickly contradicted after spotting Wesley look at her, saying in jealous spite "My God! He's lookin' at her! He's got his filthy Pierce Brosnan eyes all over my Cordy!"[11] After he had exchanged his daily dose of barbs with Cordelia, Willow had been frustrated, wondering why he always provoked and egged her on. Xander's simple response was: "I can't help myself. It's part of my nature. "Coming to the conclusion that her remarks were a bit more bitter than usual, he had once again taunted her, claiming that she wasn't accepted into any colleges. Angry, Cordelia revealed to him all of her college invitations while slightly surprised and impressed Xander.[12] Originally ignorant of his ex's problems, Cordelia, in a fit of stress and frustration, revealed to him her financial problems because of her father's unpaid taxes and how she couldn't even afford the dress she wanted for the prom. Xander quickly felt sorry and regretted his harsh words before; deciding to not tell the Scooby Gang that she was broke like she had assumed he would. He secretly bought the dress for her she couldn't afford, earning him Cordelia's deep gratitude. He had complimented that it looked good on her and they seemed to settle on a hesitant friendship. Cordelia and Xander spent some time together as friends throughout Graduation[13] and she helped defeat the Mayor.[14] After graduation, their lives took different paths; he remained in Sunnydale and fought evil with Buffy, and she moved to Los Angeles to become an actress and later to "help the helpless" with Angel.[15] Cordelia was the only non-supernatural girl he dated. Ironically, she eventually become a half-demon seer.[16]
- Faith Lehane — Some weeks after his relationship with Cordelia dissolved, Xander found himself helping Faith fight a demon one night. After the battle, an adrenaline-fueled Faith took Xander back to her apartment and had sex with him; this was Xander's first sexual encounter. She hastily threw Xander out of her apartment afterward once she finished with him.[9] Weeks later, after Faith had gone rogue and killed a man, Xander confronted her about her actions, mistakenly believing that they had a connection. Faith started to rape Xander and then to strangle him before being hit in the head with a baseball bat by Angel. Faith mentioned that she never wanted a relationship like Xander thought that she did, and was mere with him for the sex.[17] While in Buffy's body, after hearing about Xander and his new girlfriend Anya's romantic evening which would consist of having sex but candles, Faith commented on Xander's performance, remarking "wouldn't want to cut in that 7 minutes."[18] When some Potential Slayers complained about Anya mentioning her sex-life with Xander, Faith said that whenever she heard Anya talking about sex, she reminded Anya that she was Xander's first, which made her shut up. Years later, after Giles' death and the reading of his will, Xander was revealed to be quietly furious that Faith had received Giles's estate and horses while Buffy was only given the Vampyr book, Faith describing him as "practically shooting a hate beam at her and that was only with one eye."[19]
- Anya Jenkins — Xander originally held mild annoyance of Anya and was seen to be greatly confused that she had wanted to go to the prom with him, due to her disdain of men of any kind. Driven by desperation, Xander agreed to go with her but soon became visibly uncomfortable and overwhelmed with her gory stories of her vengeance demon days, so much so that he had rather wanted to talk to his ex-girlfriend Cordelia (who was with Wesley), displaying no jealousy in his desire to not hear her stories. They nonetheless shared an awkward dance.[14] As Anya developed feelings for him and tried to get into a conversation, Xander shared no mutual interest. Despite her offer to run away with her during the Ascension, Xander declined, deciding to stay and help his friends[13] Anya quickly returned to Sunnydale and immediately sought out Xander, openly wondering what place their relationship was out. He was shocked and overwhelmed by this, immediately confused by her belief that they actually had a relationship. He semi-seriously rejected her advances at first, reminding her that it just "happened" and it wasn't necessarily anything yet. Nonetheless, Anya continued her sexual advances, stripping down naked in front of him to get him to sleep with her so he was "out of her system." Stunned, Xander at first told her sex was about expressing feelings and consequences but he did like her "directness." At the information that she had condoms, Xander quickly gave him, saying: "And the amazing thing? Still more romantic than Faith." They had sex, causing Anya to claim she was "over him." Xander didn't seem to care much, just agreeing which only angered her. She once again tried to talk to him, only to get dismissively brushed off by him as Buffy was in danger.[20] Relentless as ever, Anya returned with her feelings for him still intact. Xander was shocked by this, assuming she was over him (much to Anya's frustration). Beginning to develop slightly serious affection for her, he offered her to come to the Halloween haunted house with his friends, admitting it had "date-like qualities."[21] Xander and Anya soon started dating.[22] Anya became disappointed and dissatisfied with him, believing that Xander did not care about her feelings or whatever happened to her, all he cared about was sex. Xander was annoyed by her desire for more attention, glibly saying "You really have become a real girl, now have you?" However, Anya soon saw he really did care for her when he had violently attacked Spike for assuming he had killed her.[23] Their relationship had another snag when Anya wrongly assumed that Xander was no longer interested in her since had hadn't had sex with her in two days. Xander disagreed, and tried to reassure her that there was more to their relationship than sex. Anya didn't listen and discussed her woes with Spike, connecting in their complicated relationships as well as the loss of their supernatural abilities. Xander was naturally jealous of Spike and ended up arguing with her, causing Anya to break up with him under the wrong belief he still wasn't into her. However, after battling together in the frat house, Xander and Anya made up and quickly got back together.[24] Anya comforted Xander in her own way after his fall out with his friends, Anya confessing to him she was in love with him for the first time. Xander was grateful for her support, but did not say he loved her back.[25] Anya began growing frustrated that Xander still in his basement, causing him to buy an apartment. After being split into two Xanders, it became clear that he did have more genuine feelings for her past physical. "Smooth Xander" alleviated Anya's fears of him finding her repulsive when she got old, saying that being human was not a bad thing like she thought. "Weak Xander" also became paranoid when he thought his more confident other was evil, declaring he could take anything else in his life but not Anya.[26] Despite Xander's continual stress over Anya's lack of social politeness and extremely blunt way of talking about their sex life, he fell deeply in love with her. After an argument with Buffy, he would finally admit that was was in love with Anya and that she made him feel something he had never felt before: like a man.[27] Conflict began to arise when Willow and Anya frequently argued together, causing Xander to be annoyed and angry they were trying to make him chose sides. Xander admitted to Spike he felt torn between his loyalty to Willow and his love for Anya. However, Xander refused to sacrifice either of them when Olaf gave had him in his clutches, even if it meant dying himself.[28] After sleeping together, Anya would express how it was meant to create life. Xander was uncomfortable at the insinuations, not nearly ready to have children with her. Anya agreed, insisted they could someday and that was beautiful. Xander was touched, showing further depth to their relationship.[29] After sleeping together on the eve of the battle with Glory, Xander suddenly proposed to Anya. She responded badly at first, believing he was only doing so because they were going to die, but happily accepted in the end.[30] However, Xander initially wanted to keep their engagement a secret following Buffy's death, much to Anya's great confusion and annoyance.[31] The two came very close to getting married and retained strong feelings for each other The two officially remained broken up, but once Xander lost his eye, Anya began to care for him more. The two became swept up at the moment when overhearing Willow and Kennedy, and Principal Wood and Faith, respectively, having sex. Before going into the final battle, Anya and Xander wished each other luck. Anya fought alongside Andrew, but she was killed by a Bringer. As the school was crumbling, Xander frantically called out Anya's name but didn't notice her body lying on the floor. When Xander asked Andrew what happened to Anya, he was told that she died protecting Andrew, to which Xander replies "That's my girl. Always doing the stupid thing."[32]
- Julie — After temporarily separating from Anya from a fight during the Lowell House party, Xander showed a mutual attraction to a college girl named Julie. Xander played spin the bottle with her with seemingly purposeful intentions but when set to kiss each other he wasn't in for it and instead kissed her on the cheek. Julie, on the contrary, kissed him lustfully due to being possessed by a poltergeist. She then ran off and Xander found her cutting her own hair in disgust.[24]
- Nancy — After being frustrated with his own relationship problems with Anya and others in the past, Xander luckily ran into Nancy and, along with the gang, protected her from a giant worm-like demon that was specifically attacking her. Xander walked her home, and, both new at dating, they awkwardly asked each other out. However, after finding out the demon was Nancy's ex-boyfriend who was turned into the worm-like creature by Xander's own ex-fiancée, Anya, the two never dated.[33]
- Lissa — Approximately a year after his breakup with Anya, Xander took another dip in the dating pool, and impulsively asked out Lissa, a beautiful woman he met at a hardware store. Their date went well until Lissa tied Xander to a torture wheel, revealed herself to be a demon, and cheerfully prepared to use Xander as a human sacrifice. Xander, before being rescued, pondered what caused him to keep getting involved with female demons and that there had to be a reason. This event frustrated him so much to the point that he even tried (unsuccessfully) to convince Willow to "turn him gay" or "gay him up."[34]
- Renee— Renee was a young Slayer who had a crush on Xander. Before Amy's army of zombies, she and another Slayer were talking about Renee's feelings for him, which she denied.[35] Later, she and Xander joked with each other, and he comforted her about feeling like she was doing a poor job as a Slayer. The pair traveled together to Dracula's castle[36] and then to Japan to help Buffy get the Scythe back. They shared a kiss before they departed for the rescue mission, and she asked Xander on a date.[37] During the mission, however, Renee was killed by Toru. After the mission, Xander spread her ashes on a Japanese garden.[38]
- Dawn Summers — During her childhood, Dawn had a crush on Xander which he was aware of but did not return, instead, viewing her as a little sister. Nonetheless, he was very fond of Dawn and tended to sympathize with her, in contrast to Buffy's more harsh approach to any mistakes she made.[39] Upon realizing Dawn was the Key, Xander was shocked but did his best to treat her normally. Xander once mentioned knowing about her past crush on him, and seemed to be flattered by it since she was once a "powerful being, big energy gal."[40] When told of Dawn's crush on Spike, Xander was shocked and slightly jealous since he had felt like the "cool one" through her feelings.[41] On one occasion, Xander displayed an attraction to Dawn when seeing her dance seductively with R.J. Brooks, only to be startled and horrified to realize it had been Dawn.[42] For the most part, Xander and Dawn's relationship was more like that of an older brother and younger sister. Xander became Dawn's only confidante throughout her many shape-shifting episodes. Following the retreat of the Slayer Organization to Tibet, Buffy found Xander and Dawn sharing a kiss. Xander told Buffy that he had truly fallen in love with Dawn. However, he admitted it was "not unweird, knowing her since she was little," but he also claimed she had grown as a person. After the Twilight crisis, Xander moved with Dawn into an apartment in San Francisco and they were officially together a couple. But they were not without their problems. While getting in an argument, Dawn had forced Xander to sleep on the couch for a few nights, as he had forgotten her birthday.[43] As the year carried on, Xander continued to be there constantly for Dawn as her health started to deteriorate more and more. Eventually, this climaxed in her falling into a coma and suffering from a mystical illness, slowly killing her due to being created from the Key that was a form of magic. Grief-stricken and feeling once again useless, Xander angrily took his emotions out on a wall punching it over and over again. Buffy took action and stopped his self-destructive behavior, only to have him turn on her instead. Venting his anger and guilt by self-projecting it on Buffy, they pulled out all of the stops to save Dawn.[44] Still driven by blind anger and helplessness, Xander reflected in his inner monologue that he had given up being involved in supernatural affairs to protect Dawn and now all he was doing was "watching" again. His sense of desperation and self-loathing built to the point he had decided to work with Simone and Severin if it meant he could save Dawn's life, knowingly betraying Buffy by doing so.[45] When Dawn was registered mostly conscious thanks to Willow, Xander had done his utmost to comfort her. He informed her of her fading away essence but promised her it would be fixed before anything could happen to her. When Dawn begged him to stay with her in San Francisco, Xander had rejected her pleas. He was resolved to save her on his own through the plans of Severin and Simone and did not see Buffy's plan involving the Deeper Well as successful.[46] They eventually got back together, and built a family in the following years.[47]
Friendships[]
- Oz — Xander at first distrusted Oz when he started dating Willow as he talked about him while making out with Cordelia,[48] due to his natural distrust of someone in a band as well as some jealousy on his part. Xander eventually got over his jealousy of Oz's relationship with Willow and the two became friends, though Oz did punch him once when Xander upset Willow by rejecting her advances while she was under a love spell. After Willow cheated on Oz with Xander, Oz never expressed any hostility to him (though Xander noted he could tell Oz was angry with him due to his eyes, describing it as a "verbal non-verbal")[49] as with Willow and the two quickly sustained mutual respect, both of them once discussing the types of kryptonite from the Superman comics[50] or the best way to become a cool guitarist.[9] When reuniting in college, the two desisted from hugging as they both agreed they both were "too manly,"[51] instead shaking hands which they later did when Oz returned.[52] A year later, Xander made a crude joke about sexbots only to earn glares from everyone, causing Xander to say "Too many girls. I miss Oz. He'd get it. He wouldn't say anything, but... he'd get it. "[53]
- Jesse McNally — Before Buffy's arrival in Sunnydale, Xander, Willow, and Jesse were best friends united in their status as social outcasts.[54] When Jesse was sired, Xander accidentally staked him when someone pushed Jesse onto a stake he was holding.[55] Jesse's death left a strong impression on Xander and fueled his belief that vampires were no longer who they were when human and as demons deserved to die. Years later, Xander revisited the experience of having to stake Jesse when talking to San Francisco Police Department detective Robert Dowling, who was reluctant to stake his newly sired partner Miranda Cheung. Xander remarked that, when he thought back to it, he could only see the face of his friend.[56]
- Willow Rosenberg — Xander briefly "dated" Willow in elementary school but they "broke up" after he stole her Barbie.[54] Afterward, they remained friends for years and Willow retained a hopeless crush on him. A fact that Xander was apparently unaware of, as he often asked her for advice to win Buffy's affection. Willow forced herself to comply, as she already knew Xander didn't have a chance with her.[3] After a boring summer in 1997, Xander and Willow shared a moment of tenderness which was interrupted with Buffy's return.[57] Xander's affection for Buffy eclipsed any feelings he had for Willow and he didn't pursue anything with her, much to Willow's disappointment. When asked of what he felt about her by Buffy, Xander told her he loves Willow but only as a friend. However, by the time he jumped into a relationship with Cordelia, it was clear that he did indeed hold unresolved feelings for his best friend, as he displayed jealousy towards Oz[48] during their senior year, Willow and Xander started an affair, cheating on their respective others. Willow was consumed with guilt over this, even attempting a "de-lusting" spell until stopped by Xander. He had confessed to her that he wasn't sure why he was doing this, but he felt like he really saw her for the first time ever. Nevertheless, their tryst was ended permanently after being caught by Oz and Cordelia,[8] as both were too guilty to do such a thing again. Interestingly enough, Willow and Xander were seen in a relationship in the Wishverse, both vampires.[6] Afterward, Xander and Willow's relationship reverted back to strong, solid friendship with nothing else attached. Xander's friendship with Willow briefly became strained, as she expressed her dislike of Anya and how he was never without her around. However, both simultaneously turned against Buffy and disagreed that she would not allow them to help her against Adam. Xander was also informed of Willow's relationship with Tara, greatly shocked.[58] Invaded by the First Slayer, Xander had dreamed of Willow and Tara intimately with each other, as well as asking him to come to them. Despite his established platonic relationship with Willow, he had agreed only to of course end up losing them.[59] Willow's dislike of Anya would manifest to the point the two would drag Xander along with their arguments, much to his annoyance because he didn't want to choose sides. During a conversation with Spike, Xander admitted he felt torn because Willow was his best friend and he really valued her opinion despite his love for Anya. He also mentioned how she did not understand what he saw in Anya and it upset him. However, his bonds with them were put on even grounds when Xander refused to sacrifice one of them to Olaf even though it meant dying himself.[28] When she resolved to resurrect Buffy after her second death, Xander was not as fixed on it as Willow was. He openly admitted it felt wrong to him and worried about the consequences.[31] After seeing the full extent of the dark magic she used, Xander became concerned and expressed disapproval of her doing such a dangerous ritual.[60] Willow has reminisced on how attractive she thought Xander was.[61][62] It was also later revealed that Willow had at one point wrote angst-filled poems over her unrequited crush on Xander but when questioned of this later in life, she politely stated: "I'm over you, sweetie."[63] Ultimately, while the two were not in a romantic relationship, they did have a great love for each other. This was pointed out repeatedly when Xander told Willow, corrupted with dark magic, that he loved "crayon-breaky Willow" just as much as "dark, veiny Willow," which ultimately stopped her from destroying the world.[64] However, when Willow and the others discovered Xander's betrayal, she was definitely disappointed, saying that they could have gotten the magic, although she was not as furious as Buffy was.[citation needed]
- Tara Maclay — Xander and Tara were good friends, though not close.[65] Xander described Tara as one of his "favorite girls."[28] When Xander and Anya almost got married, Tara was one of their bridesmaids.[61] When Tara was shot, Xander blamed himself for not acting fast enough.[64]
- Buffy Summers — Seeing her on her first day at Sunnydale High, causing him to crash into a railing, literally falling head over heels.[54] He carried an obvious attraction and a very strong crush on her. However, Buffy was oblivious (Xander describing himself as "invisible" when to come to her) and ignored it, even when Xander had given her a bracelet.[66] Xander finally worked up the courage to ask Buffy out, only to be rejected by her as she did not carry the same feelings.[67] Despite this, Xander feelings for her remained strong and he elicited poorly hidden jealousy on many occasions of the men that Buffy actually paid attention to, Angel in particular. He had noted in annoyance that guys like them could get what they want (Buffy) without any real effort, unlike him.[68] Xander eventually entered a relationship with Cordelia, but still held unresolved feelings towards Buffy as well as Willow. Cordy noted this, especially expressing jealousy when Xander was determined to protect Buffy while in the hospital.[69] When under the love spell that made every woman in Sunnydale become infatuated with him, Buffy heavily flirted with Xander and even showed up in wearing nothing but a coat. Xander appeared to be tempted by Buffy's advances, even completely forgetting Cordelia for a moment. But in the end, he repelled her attempts despite his own feelings as she wasn't herself and it wouldn't mean anything to her. Buffy was immensely grateful that he didn't take advantage of the situation once the spell was broken.[5] When Buffy started college, Xander consoled a confused and lost Buffy, genuinely telling her that she was his hero and whenever he was in peril or scared, he always wondered what she would do in that situation. He also easily admitted that when it was dark and he was alone, he sometimes wondered what she was wearing, causing her to seriously tell him to never elaborate on that.[51] While undercover in the Initiative, Xander had attempted to make out with Buffy so they wouldn't "draw attention." Buffy immediately pushed him off, greatly annoyed since that would only draw more attention to themselves. Xander was embarrassed but remained unrepentant and defensive of his mistake.[70] When told by Spike that Buffy and Willow had suggested him joining the army, he had believed the lie. He ranted on how they thought they were better than him because of their "college life" while he struggled to find direction and make a living for himself. Xander had furiously turned against Buffy (along with Willow) when she had said it was too dangerous for them to fight with her. He had insulted Buffy as "superior" and having no respect for any of them, misinterpreting her concern as a demonstration of how little she needed them. Buffy was alarmed and hurt at how easily everyone was targeting her, saying she understood now why slayers didn't have friends.[58] After making peace with her and united together with a spell to defeat Adam,[25] Xander was given a fairly telling dream over his relationship with Buffy through the First Slayer. He viewed Buffy playing in a sandbox and warned her not to play in it because it was a "really big sandbox," and that she could not always protect herself. This was showcasing Xander's extreme loyalty and protectiveness of Buffy, seeing her as someone that needed to be taken care of, and nurtured. Buffy then replied gratefully "I'm way ahead of you, Big brother," since that was how she saw him in her life. Xander was shocked and slightly disappointed at her declaration, but he soon realized completely that his protectiveness towards Buffy was no longer driven by romantic attachment. Rather, that of brother caring for his sister.[59] During a discussion with Riley about their respective relationships, Xander stated he envied Riley sometimes, clarifying "I mean for the sanity. Not that I'm still into Buffy. Not that I ever was."[26] Nevertheless, though losing his romantic attachment to her, he retained his protectiveness over her and was a common source of support. However, Xander had bluntly pointed out why Buffy's relationship had failed and how she had constantly been treating him like he was just convenient despite how much Riley was in love with her. Buffy was grateful towards his words in the end, and had immediately tried to stop him from leaving but was ultimately too late.[27] When Buffy was upset to gain Spike's attention and believed to be something wrong with her, Xander honestly said that she had a great heart and that the right person would see her for what she is someday, insisting that she should just "be Buffy." Buffy was touched by this gesture and hugged him out of gratitude. He would also dance with her at a party in an effort to cheer her up.[71] When informed of Spike's feelings for her, Xander was initially greatly amused by it but upon seeing how unsettled Buffy was over it, took it more seriously. His protectiveness of her increased and he showed stronger contempt and distrust towards him.[29][71] Assuming Buffy was involved with Spike due to a sighting of the Buffybot, Xander did his best to express understanding and believed her mother's death had been what drove her to sleep with Spike. He would also reinforce his deep protectiveness of Buffy, threatening to kill Spike if he had to since he would do anything to protect her.[72] After leaving Sunnydale while on the run from Glory, Xander began to worry about the stress she was put under and whether or not she was thinking with a clear head. He, however, was reassured by Giles she would be fine.[73] When Buffy sacrificed herself to save the world, Xander was in shock and dazed at seeing her dead body.[30] He went along with Willow's resurrection despite his misgivings because of his desire to have Buffy back,[31] but was angered and guilty that she had to dig out of her own grave.[60] Xander and Buffy's friendship briefly became strained at the realization that Buffy had been sleeping with Spike, showing disgust and anger that she had lied to him and didn't tell him.[74] They came to reconcile when Xander admitted he wouldn't have reacted with understanding if she told him earlier anyway and acknowledged how hard it was for her return from Heaven.[75] Xander also defended Buffy from the Potentials, bluntly telling them in a speech that he saw her heart and that she cares about people more than any of them will know which touched Buffy and surprised Faith.[76] Buffy and Xander became closer after the destruction of Sunnydale as he was often there as a source of comfort in her loneliness that year. Despite being mostly identified as just friends, Buffy was shown in a dream to attempt a less-than-platonic kiss on him (which promptly caused his head to pop off his shoulders in her dream), and it was implied they once slept in the same bed.[62] When she lost her powers, Buffy and Xander shared a tender moment in a field.[77] She eventually realized that she did actually like Xander romantically but when confessing this to Xander, he declined her feelings, explaining that it might have made a difference a couple of years ago and if she actually meant it. Buffy was annoyed with this statement but he again explained that her feelings are probably due to loneliness and her need for stability. He also stated it was hard to believe her after so many years and the fact that she jumps to her best friend right after experimenting with Satsu. When told by Xander that he now truly loved Dawn, Buffy, though upset and regretful, accepted his rejection, not wanting to take him away from her sister.[78] Despite this, Xander had explored her new-found superpowers with her and had teasingly said: "And you're really cute with a spunky personality that beats the bad guys."[79] After Xander's attempted killing of Angel after his murder of Giles, Xander relented when Buffy stopped him and tearfully begged him not to do this as she could not bear losing anyone else, especially Xander himself by betraying his very being.[45] Following the end of magic, Buffy and Xander's friendship becomes more distant, causing her to again feel isolated.[80] After briefly resuming their previous closeness,[81] this quickly fell apart afterward when Dawn fell into an irreversible coma and was on the road to her death. Emotionally frustrated and worked up, Xander let out all of his pent-up resentment towards Buffy the entire year. He harshly blamed her for her sister being near-death and then coldly criticizing his friend for sleeping with Angel (the catalyst that led too much of these consequences). Miserable and guilty, Buffy promised him they would help save Dawn despite Xander's unforgiving attitude towards her.[44] Not willing to forgive Buffy (mostly due to her constant claim that this was not her fault) or see reason, Xander left and went for a walk. Struggling with incompetence and the looming loss he was facing, he agreed to team up with Buffy's enemies Severin and Simone as through Illyria's stolen powers, he bribed him by saying he could find a way to reverse the effects of Twilight In a moment of weakness, he accepted despite his reluctance to betray Buffy, tired of "watching those he loves die."[45] Oddly, Xander had, for the most part, told Buffy the truth anyway about the proposition Severin had offered of the reversal Twilight and was shown to be exceptionally hurt and angry that she had naturally assumed he would betray her. He denied this and reminded her that she once killed herself to save Dawn's life and he could not forget this. Nevertheless, Xander was shown playing both sides. Giving information to Severin and Simone over Buffy's next move involving the Deeper Well while giving her information on them.[46] However, Xander's resolve and certainty in his plan cracked when Buffy and Willow resolved to continue their way through the Deeper Well. He panicked and protested against it, certain they would die if the moved forward. When neither of them budged, a guilty Xander willingly told them over his betrayal and pact with Severin. Buffy was particularly hurt and betrayed by this and when it became clear that going back in time would create reality tears in the universe, she was furious and harshly said to Xander that she once again had to save the world, this time because of his mistakes.[82] Buffy continued to express her anger and betrayal towards him, even holding her scythe to her throat longer than necessary when he appeared to her suddenly. Xander was angry, admitting that he did screw up by making a pact with Severin and Simone, but he wasn't the only one. He pointed out that all of them made wrong choices that led them to the Deeper Well so they all had some blame involved in it. Buffy's attitude softened somewhat, but still did not fully forgive him.[83]
- Riley Finn — Unlike Buffy's previous long-term boyfriend, Xander showed no jealously to Riley despite his previous crush on Buffy. Still, Xander had once described Riley as a "Teutonic boy toy"[84] and "okay in an oafish sort of way."[85] Like the rest of Scooby Gang (excluding Buffy) were suspicious of Riley's affiliation with the Initiative. In awe of the military compound and Buffy's easy access to it, Xander once remarked jokingly "Can I have sex with Riley, too?" while he and Buffy intercepted the Initiative, earning a pointed glare from Buffy.[86] When Riley was dealing with Buffy's relationship with Angel, Xander had shared with him why Angel left and that his trigger for turning evil was sleeping with Buffy. Upon the realization that Buffy had omitted this detail and that Riley assumed she had slept with him again during her visit in L.A., Xander tried to make him feel better. He told him that Buffy's time with Angel was "ancient history" and there was no way Buffy would sleep with him again. Riley was grateful for the reassurance, though still privately doubted it. Xander had also loaned him some of his clothes when he was running low.[58] Like Oz, Xander and Riley bonded over the fact they were the only two males in Buffy's circle of friends (excluding Giles and Spike). Riley even helped him move boxes out of the basement. They discussed their respective relationships, causing Riley to admit to him that he was in love with Buffy. Despite this, he confessed to Xander that he knew Buffy didn't love him back. Xander seemed to agree with this statement, casting Riley sympathetic glances when the two kissed.[26] When Riley's insecurities culminated into reckless behavior, Xander was the most sympathetic, vaguely mentioning that Riley felt Buffy did not return his feelings. However, Buffy and the entire group were oblivious to his insinuations.[87] Riley and Xander would also playfully engage in a mock fight while helping Buffy move out of her college dorm, only to be stopped under the request of Buffy and Giles.[65] Xander would also express slight admiration of Riley, admitting that he wishes he was as cool as him.[88] Xander became increasingly annoyed and worried by Riley's newfound reckless behavior,[89][90] but had nonetheless fully defended him when Buffy was reluctant to chase after him when he decided to join the military. Xander had insisted Riley would do anything for Buffy and that he was the type of person you only find "once in a lifetime" which was why she should try to stop him if she truly believed she could love him at some point. Thanks to him, Buffy had tried to stop him from leaving her but by then the helicopter had already taken off.[91] After Riley left, Xander didn't miss him extremely but found it hard to believe he had actually left the Scooby Gang. He was also particularly bothered he had forgotten to give him a crescent wrench before he had left.[28] When Riley returned, Xander was happy to see him and the two hugged as Riley left once more.[92] A few years later during a conversation with Buffy, Xander described Riley as a "brainy guy" and when Buffy called him a "fanboy" Xander replied "Your only boyfriend that was never a psychotic demon? I was always Team Riley."[78]
- Andrew Wells — Despite their previous clashes when Andrew was with the Trio, Andrew and Xander eventually developed a nerdy camaraderie due to their mutual love of science fiction and comic books. Andrew once ignored Willow and Kennedy making out to appreciate Xander's work on the windows, and thoughtfully described him as "extraordinary." He later watched an interview he had recorded with Xander and Anya, mimicking Anya's "lines" as though he was talking to Xander.[93] Xander, while initially dismissing Andrew as "annoying," became fond of him over time, sending him a mbuna fish as a present when Xander was supposedly in Africa.[94] While training his Slayers in Italy, Andrew remained in frequent contact with the Scotland-based Xander.[62]
- Dracula — Initially, Dracula took on Xander as an emissary to spy on Buffy for him in the daylight, while calling him "strange and off-putting." Buffy was able to defeat him, and Dracula went on his way.[95] After the destruction of Sunnydale, Dracula became lonely and again put Xander under his thrall. The two became strange friends, with Dracula calling Xander "manservant" and Xander teaching him how to ride a motorbike. After living in Dracula's castle, Buffy liberated Xander from Dracula once again.[96] They didn't meet again until Xander came to him for help against a group of Japanese vampires. Dracula expressed disgust at the slayers and Xander's new love interest, Renee, but agreed to help.[97] After Renee was killed in the Tokyo battle, Dracula handed over the vampire responsible for Xander to have his revenge.[38] When Dracula came to San Francisco to investigate the powers of the new vampires, Xander once again fell under Dracula's thrall. The two got away with the Vampyr book,[98] which Xander wrote into that Dracula "became the most powerful vampire of all," unintentionally causing Dracula to transform into the Old One Maloker.[99] Dracula urged the others to kill him, telling Xander it would mean a great deal to him if he was the one to put an end to it. Xander instead managed to reverse the transformation, and also broke the power Dracula had over everyone, including himself. Dracula took this to mean he and Xander would not be seeing each other again, but Xander assured him that they could still hang out, as long as it was as normal people, and the two parted on friendly terms.[100]
Familial[]
- Jessica and Anthony Harris — Xander has had a dysfunctional relationship with his parents since childhood, so much so Xander has rarely ever talked about them unless he was making fun of them in some way or another. His mother was a drunk and did not have any skill in cooking,[101] which amused Xander. His father Anthony verbally and physically abused Xander when he was drunk by alcohol, setting psychological scars on him.[59] Xander has also been seen to sleep outside of his parent's house during his high school years on Christmas Eve, wanting to avoid his parents' loud drunken fights.[102] They had also forced him to live in their basement after graduating from Sunnydale High, forcing him to pay rent even,[51] showcasing his distant relationship with them. In a revealing dream of his because of the First Slayer, Xander feared he belonged in the basement and would never truly be someone in life. Snyder described him as a "whipping boy. Raised by mongrels and put on a sacrificial stone."[59] When Xander's drunken parents continued their dysfunctional cycle, he resolved to move out of the basement. Irritated, he sardonically said "I really need to find a new place. Something a little nicer. Buffy, you've been to Hell. They have one-bedrooms, right?"[26] When Willow expressed a desire to reconnect with her own mother after Buffy's had died, Xander was against any serious bonding with his parents and had even preferred connecting to Willow's rather than them.[29] When Anya arranged Buffy to sit next to his family on her chart for the wedding, Xander had discouraged it, saying to her "Yeah, except we don't hate Buffy."[103] Despite his estranged relationship with his family, he had invited them to his wedding to Anya Jenkins, which only ended in embarrassment for him because of his drunken family members.[61]
- Rupert Giles — Xander first worked with librarian Rupert Giles and the other founding Scoobies at Sunnydale High, where he often comically commented on Giles' uptight, formal disposition. As an adolescent, he sometimes confided in Giles and was always surprised to learn about Giles' true past and life. He was shocked to discover Giles' history as "Ripper,"[104] and when he learned that Giles owned a television, he jokingly claimed: "He's shallow like the rest of us!"[20] In response, Giles tended to scorn Xander's rather juvenile approach to life.[105] When Xander fell asleep while he was supposed to be watching over Oz on the full moon, he scolded him for his rashness and stupidity (though it's likely he was simply worried about his safety).[106] Xander was also deeply disturbed when he saw Giles singing "Behind Blue Eyes" at the Espresso Pump, seeing it as incredibly awkward and creepy. Anya, Willow, and Tara found it sexy, much to his horror and shock.[24] Giles continued to clash with Xander's quirks. When Xander was split into his weaker and stronger parts, Giles even bluntly commented they were a bad influence on each other.[26] Over the years, Xander came to view Giles in an almost parental way. Xander's insecurities about his own parents caused him to rely on Giles more and more as he grew into a young adult, at which time it became clear that they were quite fond of each other. They clashed less as Xander aged and matured. When Xander went to Scotland with Buffy and Willow, he took over as Buffy's Watcher during her separation from Giles. When he returned at the time of the Twilight incident, Xander discouraged him from doing any "rash acts of nobility" beforehand. Ironically, it was such an act that resulted in Giles' death at the hands of a Twilight-possessed Angel.[107] Driven into a rage, Xander had immediately tried vengeance for Giles, coming extremely close to staking the vampire if not for Buffy. Xander would later reflect on his huge amount of uselessness when he had only been able to sit back and watch while Giles' neck was snapped.[45]
- Joyce Summers — Joyce took a surrogate mother position to the entire Scooby Gang, including Xander. Though she had briefly flirted with him after Xander had Amy do a love spell, which affected all women around him.[5] He had also dreamed of Joyce hitting on him, but as did Willow and Tara.[59] Outside of these two instances, Xander saw Joyce as a mother figure and following her death, he was both angry and upset that Joyce passed him. He had punched the wall out of anger (creating a hole) and blamed it on the doctors messing up on Joyce's condition.[108]
Antagonistic[]
- Amy Madison — Amy and Xander knew each other from junior high through high school.[66] They once allied to create a love spell for him.[5] However, Xander establish certain disdain for her after Amy became an evil witch and Warren's girlfriend.[citation needed]
- Larry Blaisdell — Larry was originally a jock who bullied Xander in high school. He had once tried to fight him after hearing Larry talk crudely about Buffy's possible performance in bed, only to feel emasculated as she instead pushed him to the wall roughly.[109] However, their relationship changed due to a humorous misunderstanding while Xander was trying to investigate culprits in a murder. Larry admitted he was gay and became more comfortable with himself afterward (mistakenly believing Xander himself was a closet homosexual). This event greatly unnerved him, trying to correct his belief, but Xander never got the chance. Afterward, Xander resolved to never talk about it again.[48] They had a friendly relationship afterward, Larry continuing to believe Xander was gay.[13]
- Angel — Xander was jealous of Buffy's love for Angel while Angel was, in turn, jealous of him. When first seeing him, Xander gained an immediate contempt and was suspicious because Buffy never told him that Angel was "buff" and "a very attractive man."[2] When Buffy's was on the line, Xander hesitantly joined forces with Angel to save her and the two eventually worked together to fight vampires, despite this Xander did confirm that he saw Angel not as a person, but only as another vampire.[67] Xander had also at one point given Angel the childish nickname of "Dead Boy," greatly annoying him. Xander had also shown to be discouraged when he had tried to order him to action, insulting him as bossy.[110] As time went on, his attitude towards Angel softened somewhat and he leaped to the vampire's defense when Kendra suggested killing him, saying "Angel's our friend! Except I don't like him,"[4] in addition to actually expressing concern about him when he goes missing and seeming relieved when he reappeared.[111] After Angel lost his soul, Xander supported killing him rather than restoring his soul, even threatening Angel that he would be there when the vampire was finally killed. When Willow attempted to restore Angel's soul, Xander deliberately did not tell Buffy in hopes that she would kill him. He was ostensibly angry about the death of Jenny Calendar, though it is unclear how much he was motivated by her death and how much by jealousy. But he was willing to help the gang restore his soul. Xander was then greatly jealous and judgmental when realizing Buffy had been tending to Angel in secret after stumbling on her making out with him, harshly criticizing her for harboring a murderer. In his jealousy, he had briefly agreed to kill him with Faith but later grudgingly defended him when coming across Giles being knocked out. He had not jumped to conclusions completely like her and explained that Angel wouldn't have been responsible, insisting it was not his style.[112] His antagonism toward him seemed to briefly be pushed down as he was able to work with him without dislike[113] and was quickly friendly with him while on a "date" with a girl who only talked about cars but because the girl was annoying him.[9] However, after getting punched in the face by Angel, he had been bitter about it and immediately told everyone he was right all along about him, unaware that he was faking that he was soulless. This did not make him feel better when he found out, sarcastically saying it was a "good bruise" since he had still had his soul.[10] Xander did seem concerned for Angel when he was struck by Faith and delirious, actively helping for Buffy's sake.[13] However, his dislike for him once again resurfaced. Xander was shown to be angry with him after realizing he had fed off Buffy, even claiming "Well, it's good to know that when the chips are down and things look grim, you'll feed off the girl who loves you to save your own ass," making Angel even more guilty. But he understood him and was still willing to work with him. This event caused him to want Angel to really leave Sunnydale. When Xander was the "key" person against the Mayor, he was seen to be delighted that he could order him around, much to Angel's visible annoyance. Buffy was shown to be exasperated with this, comparing them to fighting old ladies.[114] After leaving to Los Angeles, Angel and Xander very briefly run into each other when he was trying to protect Buffy secretly because of Doyle's vision. Xander was shocked and had immediately assumed he was evil, comically offending Angel and but Angel wasn't and allied with him secretly. After Angel had finished his mission, Xander accidentally exposed his presence in Sunnydale, causing Buffy to go to Los Angeles.[22] During a conversation with Riley, Xander admitted that he still hated the "guts" part of him. However, he didn't deny it when Riley said he hated him because of his distrust and fear of his curse, not a true dislike of who he was.[115] Years later, when Angel's position as Twilight was exposed and he had been possessed into killing Giles in front of him, Xander had completely lost any restraint or tolerance of him. Despite his explanations of being possessed, he had ignored them and coldly retorted he always had excuses. Xander violently fought with Angel (who was barely defending himself), nearly succeeding in staking him with the slayer scythe. Despite his immense hatred and disgust towards him, he allowed him to live when Buffy stopped him under the grounds that he would lose himself as a person if he went through with it.[45] However, they were later able to work together to defeat Archaeus, and once the crisis was resolved, Xander made peace with Angel, citing his therapy sessions, as well as his belief that they had more in common than he realized, comparing his current relationship with Dawn to Angel's own struggles with Buffy choosing Spike over him.[116]
- Spike— Xander had always greatly disliked and distrusted Spike. When Giles had ordered Spike to be his roommate for some time, Xander was angry and indignant. He had tied Spike up to a chair every time he went to sleep, just in case he would try and bite him while he slept. Spike bluntly denied this, seeing him as too distasteful to bite, much to Xander's protest. When he had lost his voice, Xander had immediately seen Spike as responsible and later violently beat him up when he thought he had fed on Anya.[23] Spike continued to be of no help to Xander in cleaning up the basement and ordered him around constantly. Xander lost patience and launched a tirade against him, calling him useless and a complete waste of space that wasn't even worth the time to beat up, taunting him by saying he wasn't the Big Bad anymore. Spike attempted to commit suicide and stake himself, failing in the process. Xander made note of this and reprimanded him by saying he should've let him stake him since they've been through a lot in the basement, much to Willow's disapproval.[117] Xander was immensely relieved and happy when Spike left to find his own crypt.[118] When an angry and left out Anya went to Spike to hang out with and talk to, Xander was immediately jealous and taunted Spike. Amused, Spike returned with his own snark. Xander, however, got the upper hand when he raised his voice in the Initiative's party by calling him "Hostile 17." Spike naturally became jumpy and uncomfortable. When no attention was drawn to him, he left him to drink beer.[24] Xander would later reluctantly loan him an outfit when he supposedly went to infiltrate the Initiative but mocked Spike by saying he really didn't care if anything happened to him. He did, however, believe Spike when he said Buffy and Willow had thought he was joining the army, successfully creating a wedge between Buffy's connection with her friends.[58] Upon the realization that Spike had been working with Adam, Xander had been outraged, but then muttered he couldn't even act surprised that he had betrayed them.[25] After moving out of his basement, Xander recalled when Spike had briefly lived with him, listing the event as one of the reasons why he hated the place.[26] After an argument with Anya and Willow, Xander had run into Spike at The Bronze. He was immediately abrupt and harsh towards the vampire, telling him to leave him alone. When Spike had insisted on staying to annoy him, Xander had a brief moment of connection with him. They played pool together and Xander explained to Spike his problems with Anya and Willow. However, Spike was only interested in knowing whether or not Buffy blamed him for her break-up with Riley.[28] When first told of Spike's obsession with Buffy, Xander laughed over it and even claimed he hoped it was true because then it would be even funnier. He mocked his feelings and didn't see Spike as having a genuine love for Buffy despite what he believed.[119] Being one of the most hostile towards Spike already, Xander quickly joined the Scoobies in ostracizing him over his feelings for her.[71] When Spike had left flowers for Joyce, Xander had assumed he was trying to get points with Buffy and refused to allow him to bring them in. He was extremely hostile towards him and expressed his strong contempt of Spike's feelings through his protectiveness for Buffy. Upon realizing that he left the flowers anonymous, Xander was shocked.[29] He would also threaten Spike when he wrongly believed he was involved with Buffy and reminded him that he would do anything to protect her, along with the rest of her friends even if that meant killing him. However, Xander felt some sympathy for Spike after getting so beat up by Glory and getting his "favorite toy" taken away from him.[72] Despite this, Xander was against the decision of letting Spike protect Dawn from Glory under Buffy's orders and openly threatened to throw him out of the Winnebago in daylight. However, he was able to have a benign conversation with him over their situation, though he nonetheless said he didn't like him.[73] Xander was also angry when Spike had slapped Buffy in an attempt to get her out of her catatonia and had even punched him, only to be separated by Willow.[120] However, Xander's antagonism softened slightly, shown with how he allowed Spike to be Dawn's babysitter on a regular basis during Buffy's death.[31] He was especially suspicious of Spike after his attempted rape of Buffy, even after Spike regained his soul. He also resented Spike for having sex with Anya even though he was broken up with her at the time, even almost killing a defenseless Spike in a jealous rage before being stopped by Anya.[74] However, the two later worked together effectively because of a shared concern for Dawn's well-being.[121] The enmity between the two appeared to have faded after a while when Spike saved Xander and the rest of the Scoobies' lives in the Hellmouth[32] and later in Tibet.[122] It's safe to assume that Xander did still dislike Spike, as he did not invite him in his apartment under normal circumstances which forced Buffy to talk to him outside.[19] When Spike called him during his time in the Deeper Well, Xander was mostly unfriendly towards him. However, he nonetheless seemed to appreciate he had told him of Simone's plan and Dawn rapidly disappearing. In turn, Spike had Xander listed under the name "Wanker" in his cell phone.[83] They eventually became roommates again, and their antagonism transformed into a real friendship.[123] When Spike denied Buffy's renewed feelings, Xander advised him to try this relation, reuniting the two lovers.[124]
- Wesley Wyndam-Pryce — Xander's dislike of Wesley, unlike the other Scoobies, mostly stemmed from jealousy than incompetence. Cordelia had been very open with her attraction to him and heavily flirted with him often, much to Xander's constant annoyance. He had jealously mocked her compliments of Wesley while alone, stating: "'I love how you talk, Wesley! I love how you sing, Wesley! Can you say the words jail bait, Wesley?!' Grimy bastard." However, when assuming Angel had lost his soul again, he had shown anger and blamed him, believing that he had put Buffy in danger.[10] He had also unsuccessfully tried to convince himself that Cordelia wasn't that attractive, only to immediately contradict himself when he saw Wesley eye her, falling into another fit of jealousy and dislike for him.[11] Soon after, he had shown anger that Wesley had wanted to not trade the box and leave Willow kidnapped, angrily stating "Want a volunteer to hit Wesley?"[12] Xander would also once jokingly claim that Wesley was the result of inbreeding when Cordelia wanted an explanation of why he was leaving Sunnydale.[114]
- Harmony Kendall — Xander shared a natural antagonism towards Harmony, not so different towards Cordelia before she joined the Scooby Gang. Harmony, in turn, considered him a loser and scolded Cordelia for dating him.[5] After graduation, the two bumped into each other, with Xander aware of Harmony's vampiric nature and her affiliation with Spike, the two fought. Due to Xander's amateurish fighting skills and Harmony's uncommon inability to utilize her vampiric strengths, they mutually resolved to let go of each other. Xander was deeply ashamed of the fight, feeling like he had lost some of his dignity with how pathetic it was.[84] They later encountered each other again during Harmony's attempt at assassinating the Slayer, only for her to find Xander at Buffy's home looking after her kid sister. Xander laughed at the concept of Harmony possessing minions while Harmony reminded him of his status in high school and even heard of his enslavement to Dracula. This lead to Dawn, having harbored a crush on Xander at the time, to unintentionally invite Harmony in, allowing her to beat Xander several times (having started embracing her vampire side) before Xander kicked her out.[39]
- Warren Mears — Xander held a deep hatred for Warren ever since he shot Buffy and killed Tara. Warren is like an evil version of Xander.[75] When Willow hunted down Warren with the intention of killing him, Xander (along with Dawn and Anya) approved of Warren's death when Buffy didn't, with Xander even remarking that Warren was "as bad as any vamp [that Buffy] sent to Dustville."[125] Xander and Warren remained enemies long after Sunnydale when Warren joined Twilight's cabal to get revenge on the Scoobies.[citation needed]
- Snyder — Principal Snyder considered Xander to be worth nothing and claimed that whatever came out of his mouth was "a meaningless waste of breath. An airborne toxic event."[4] Xander, likewise, had no care for Snyder either and was delighted when Mayor Wilkins ate him, which he admitted when the First Slayer invaded his dreams.[59]